As I grew up…

Published December 6, 2018 by ananyapatil

As I grew up from a toddler to a teen,
Love turned to lust
And gifts became a custom
What I wear and how I look
Took place in my priority list
Friendship and trust were just some words
The world was fake like Santa,
But the stage it provided to life
Was real like snowflakes

But mostly,
I grew up to learn
Magic was science

The moon was merely a satellite
And I could live without a shadow unlike Peter-pan
Mermaids weren’t a fairytale
Perhaps just a science fiction
And the once colourful childhood,
Was left understanding what colour wavelength ray was absorbed

I had come to know
That my parents were the tooth fairy and the santa clause
But childhood truly ended that day
When instead of wishing on shooting stars,
I was wishing upon my fallen eyelashes

Because shooting stars were just flying pieces of rock discarded in the space

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Scars can be beautiful too. 

Published July 3, 2018 by ananyapatil

I have lost a couple people this year. Emotionally of course. Physically they are as present as the stranger walking beside me. It does not upset me anymore. I have gotten used to it. I shouldn’t be. But I have. It’s a reality I have learnt to accept. So let me tell you something about me(rather understood the harder way). Far off, I will look beautiful and everything nice to you. Up close you will see the scars that mar me. If then you reconsider that I am ugly, I won’t blame you. You will be disappointed too. But something greater often referred to as pity will stop you from leaving. Please don’t let it. You can back away with a polite smile and I will understand. After all you couldn’t understand that the scars show I am a survivor. And even when I may feel low, I will portray my strength. It’s one of that beautiful thing that lies beneath the ugly. A thing only few will see because they decided I was worth it. So now that you know this about me, please leave. I can’t keep living in pretend and pretences. I am not afraid to admit that I have ghosts from past that haunt me. I am sixteen and this may seem insignificant to you. That’s why there is a word. Complicated. That’s what people call us. A secret?

Complicated is our normal, shh!

A new person. A better person.

Published August 22, 2017 by ananyapatil

I never knew what giving time to myself could do to me. Its all I needed. It feels carefree. I am not straining my wings. For I have done it far too long already. You can’t hold me back. I will rise. Cause I am not scared of escaping. Yes, I will get hurt but am I not there to mend myself? Have I not been here for so long that I don’t remember I belong here? I am prepared for long flights, for flying low sometimes, falling and starting again. I am ready to start from one person alone. Me. Myself.

 

Yes, I have a healthy appetite. No, I am not thin stick. No, that is not a bad thing. Yes, I am pretty. I know it, The world doesn’t need to. Yes, I am proud of being me.

Yes, I have made mistakes. Haven’t you? Yes, I have learned from my mistakes. You, haven’t. I am not repeating my mistakes. Then why are you?

Yes, I have scars. Yes, they add up to my beauty. They make me bold. They remind me to be stronger. Yes, you are perfect. No, you don’t exist.

Yes, I am an open book. Yes, I come from a good family. Yes, I am popular. Yes, you can call me names. Yes, you can judge me. No, you don’t have the right to say that you know me.

Yes, I was stupid before. No, I am not stupid anymore. Yes, you were stupid before. Yes, you still are stupid now.

Why do you bring me down? One word answer. Jealousy. Why do I rise up? One word answer. Maturity.

 

I am not a sadist. I don’t say, ‘Me pretending to be happy when I am not.’ I say, ‘Me eliminating things which make me unhappy. This way I don’t pretend.’

 

No, I am not self centered. Yes, I have found self respect.

Yes, I am an ordinary girl. Yes, people have far greater problems than mine. Yes, I know that now.

 

I lost myself amidst the craziness of life. But, I have found myself now. A new person. A better person.

 

 

This is MONSOON, this is ME

Published July 8, 2016 by ananyapatil

Ever since something changed, something happened it has rained thrice. I’m sitting by my window side and a little raindrop slightly slides down my hand. I knew it was about to rain in some time cause it was so very windy when I was driving my way back home. The showers are pouring down heavily, now. My tiny hair stand up; goosebumbs. I shiver through my gritted teeth and jump on the instant when I hear the loud thunder. I own these droplets. I have always felt like I owned the rain, that each little droplet which diffuses in the petite rivers and lakes to the wide seas and never ending oceans; the monsoon season is mine. Every time it rains, its for me. I know I’m being selfish here but this contrasts with the selfless rain droplets.
Solitude. This is the only word which explains my feeling. I love being by my self when it rains. The window will be open and the world pitch black except for the mighty lightning. The sound of the raindrops hitting on rocks, roofs and roads is so pleasant ( I can prefer the pit-pat of raindrops over 1D ); forming a puddle here and a puddle there. The fragrance of the wet mud is like a delicacy for me when it rains. That each drop which is a dewdrop by the morning, sitting quietly on a petal or a leaf. That each drop which contributes in making one perfect pearl. Its all so beautiful. Yes, beautiful. I know I could have used another word for better vocabulary but its not the word, it’s the tone of the word which matters here. A page filled with words is never enough for me. My feelings have no boundaries, I see no horizon. I do spill my heart on these pages but as I said never enough for me. Its just so for you to know how I feel. Its so that every other person reading this feels what I feel. So that maybe for once its not ME but YOU sitting by YOUR window side. The wind brushes by my body urging my lazy body to grab my jacket. So this is MONSOON, this is ME.
I showed my written content to everyone and my sis said that ‘WHY’? Why do I feel that I own these rains and that each little raindrop; the monsoon? Because I like being alone and the rains are just perfect for my solitary nature. Although, the rains are accompanied with thunder and lightning. The rains calm me down. I won’t remember sadness and anger once in rain. I am not selfless, I want my world to be my place. I don’t want anyone to enter my life causing me problems but hey problems don’t say I’m on my way and so don’t the rains. I want to do what I want but its not possible, at least till I’m an independent adult. The rains are selfless, it falls on each tiny organismand plant. It also penetrates in the ground showing that it can seep through any hard surface, in my case problems and difficulties. It pours down on every inch and bit of everything, blessing us all the happiness from God. I relate myself with the rains. And not forgetting about the rainbow, I say it shines with colours stating that after every hurricane in my life I will have a rainbow bloom out.